Why Self-Awareness Rarely Changes a Covert Narcissist

"When we think of the word "narcissist," we may draw up visions of a loud, arrogant, sales-type persona whose goal is to know how to read the room in order to make the sale. However, narcissism can manifest in different ways. A covert narcissist operates very differently from their grandiose counterpart, which is perhaps one reason why some confuse them as being high-functioning and self-aware, and therefore able to create authentic change for themselves."

"Unlike grandiose narcissists, a covert narcissist is typically hypervigilant, constantly scanning for the first sign of rejection, may present as paranoid or anxious, is highly attuned to subtle power shifts in social settings, and watches for signs of ego-threat. Yet, similar to grandiose narcissists, a covert narcissist can also develop sharp skills in learning how to read a room without ever feeling what others feel."

"This helps explain why narcissistic and psychopathic personalities are over-represented in fields such as technology, marketing, or startup ventures that allow them to sharpen their "people" skills by mirroring the values or feelings of others while exploiting their insecurities. These environments operate on immediate reward, strategic mirroring, data extraction, and impression management, all of which are skills that require little empathy and the ability manipulate for leverage. 1, 2"

Covert narcissists often present as shy, self-deprecating, or socially awkward while remaining hypervigilant and scanning for rejection. They become highly attuned to subtle social power shifts and can learn to read rooms without experiencing others' emotions. Narcissistic and psychopathic personalities frequently appear in technology, marketing, and startup environments that reward immediate results, impression management, strategic mirroring, and data extraction. Those environments enable exploitation of others' insecurities with little empathy required. Self-awareness in a narcissist does not necessarily translate into a willingness to change or authentic healing.

Read at Psychology Today