Too Competitive? How to Stop Comparisons From Taking Over

"Healthy competitiveness can sharpen our skills, push us to try hard, and drive us toward personal growth. But sometimes competitiveness takes over in an unhealthy way, leaving you comparing yourself to everyone, obsessing about results, or distancing yourself (or even feeling hostile toward) friends and colleagues."

"This is due to the natural competitive motivations within us; there to help us reach goals essential for surviving and thriving-a secure status in our social group, money, food, a home, or a mate."

"The story shared by the renowned shame researcher Brené Brown about her weekly swim is excellent at conveying how instinctive this competitive urge is. In this, she describes the deeply primal reaction she gets when someone comes alongside her in the swimming lane-how this intense urge to finish the length before them takes over (even though she's not in a race with them)."

Humans naturally compare themselves to others due to competitive motivations evolved for survival, including securing social status, resources, and relationships. While healthy competitiveness sharpens skills and drives personal growth, excessive comparison can become unhealthy, leading to obsession with results, distancing from friends, or hostile feelings. This competitive urge is deeply instinctive, as demonstrated by examples like Brené Brown's involuntary racing impulse during swimming. The tendency manifests in everyday situations, such as a daughter comparing her test scores to her best friend's, causing her to focus outward on comparisons rather than celebrating her own achievements. Understanding these two primary motivation systems helps explain why competitiveness feels so compelling and how it can trigger insecure-striving behaviors.

Read at Psychology Today