The quiet power of people who stopped explaining themselves - Silicon Canals

"Chronic over-explaining is rarely about clarity. It's a survival behavior, often rooted in early experiences where your reality was questioned, minimized, or flat-out denied. You learned to build airtight cases for your own feelings. You footnoted your emotions. You treated every boundary like a thesis defense."

"Psychologist Dr. Ramani Durvasula has written extensively about how over-explaining is a hallmark of people who grew up around narcissistic or emotionally invalidating caregivers. The child learns that "no" is never a complete sentence, that their needs require justification, that silence will be interpreted as guilt."

"This pattern follows people into adulthood with remarkable tenacity. Into romantic relationships where they narrate every thought process behind a simple decision. Into workplaces where they write four-paragraph emails to justify taking a sick day. Into friendships where they apologize for having preferences at all."

Over-explaining is a learned behavior rooted in early experiences of emotional invalidation, where individuals developed the habit of justifying their feelings, needs, and decisions to survive questioning or denial. This pattern, documented by psychologists like Dr. Ramani Durvasula, reflects how children of narcissistic or emotionally invalidating caregivers internalize the belief that "no" requires justification and silence implies guilt. This coping mechanism persists into adulthood across relationships, workplaces, and friendships, manifesting as excessive justification for simple decisions. The psychological toll accumulates gradually until a breaking point occurs, prompting people to stop explaining altogether. Research on self-determination theory indicates that autonomous motivation and genuine choice significantly impact psychological well-being.

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