The Dangers of Calling Family Estrangement a "Trend"

"Family estrangement has been framed in major media outlets as everything from a "growing trend" to a "social epidemic." But this framing reveals a deep cultural bias: When the act of estrangement is scrutinized, but the conditions that make it necessary in the first place are ignored, people suffer. Estrangement is not new, nor is it (usually) impulsive. Research consistently shows that estrangement often follows long-standing patterns of abuse, invalidation, psychological harm, or chronic boundary violations, not temporary conflict or impulsive whim."

"In one study of 898 estranged parents and adult children, Carr and colleagues (2015) found that adult children most often cited harmful behavior, emotional abuse, or a persistent lack of empathy as the primary reasons for cutting ties. Parents, by contrast, tended to attribute the rupture to external factors such as a child's partner or personal shortcomings, highlighting the profound disconnect in how family systems typically understand relational harm."

Family estrangement often reflects long-standing patterns of abuse, invalidation, psychological harm, or chronic boundary violations rather than impulsive decisions or temporary conflicts. Studies show adult children frequently cite harmful behavior, emotional abuse, or a persistent lack of empathy as primary reasons for cutting ties, while parents more often blame external factors or personal shortcomings. Estrangement between adult children and mothers commonly arises from deeper value conflicts, unmet emotional needs, and long-term relationship deterioration. The estranged person frequently becomes the focus of public scrutiny while the abusive dynamics that caused the rupture remain unexamined. Distance can function as protection when other efforts to repair fail.

Read at Psychology Today