"How do you handle it when someone is criticizing, invalidating, or being mean to you? Do you fight back, shut down, appease, or walk away? Sometimes these strategies are super effective. Other times, they escalate conflict, increase resentment, or damage your relationship and self-respect. To be fair, sometimes you need these strategies; in some situations, escalating or avoiding is very effective."
"Enter verbal aikido, an opportunity to add dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) skills to your toolkit and transform these painful interactions. This conversational strategy draws on principles of the martial art aikido and a small, powerful set of DBT skills. Like physical aikido, the goal is not to harm your attacker or escalate the situation. At minimum, verbal aikido aims to immobilize the attack. At its best, it transforms the conversation entirely."
Verbal aikido combines principles from the martial art aikido with dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) skills to respond to criticism, invalidation, bullying, and mean behavior. The approach emphasizes nonresistance and redirection rather than meeting force with force, aiming to immobilize verbal attacks without escalating conflict. Validation is used to name any truth or logically sound element in the other person's statement without conceding the position. When applied effectively, verbal aikido can stop attacks, reduce resentment, preserve relationships and self-respect, and sometimes harmonize energy to foster deeper connection.
Read at Psychology Today
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