"Suppose someone criticizes you unfairly and you resent that individual for it. Unfortunately, making yourself resentful doesn't help matters, always rates as psychologically unhealthy, and only makes you feel worse. It would be freeing to learn how to both overcome your resentful feelings and forgive the offending individual. Forgiving someone means you don't hold a grudge against them for treating you poorly, and you accept them as imperfect humans, although you dislike their behavior."
"Since your emotions and behaviors are caused by your thinking, the first step involves identifying the beliefs that are causing your resentment. Since these beliefs cause emotional disturbance, they are irrational and in the form of demands. Demands such as: You must treat me fairly, kindly, considerately, and justly. You're a rotten person for treating me so unfairly. It's awful you criticized me. You must never wrong me. You must apologize."
Resentment intensifies negative feelings and is psychologically unhealthy. Unfair criticism can provoke resentment, which stems from irrational, demand-based beliefs that cause emotional disturbance. Common demands include expectations of fairness, apologies, and an easy life. Recovery requires identifying, questioning, and challenging these musts, shoulds, and have-tos repeatedly. Practicing a realistic, demand-free philosophy of unconditional self- and other-acceptance reduces anger without excusing misconduct. Forgiveness involves relinquishing grudges while acknowledging the other person acted imperfectly, not condoning the behavior. Diligent practice of these steps leads to decreased resentment and improved emotional wellbeing.
Read at Psychology Today
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