Not everyone who keeps a mental inventory of every favor they've done is keeping score. Some of them were raised in homes where reciprocity was the only reliable evidence that someone valued you. - Silicon Canals

"For many people, the mental ledger of who did what for whom isn't a power play. It's a survival system, built in childhood, where the only proof someone loved you was whether they gave back what you gave them."

"Children are pattern-recognition machines. Before they can articulate what love is, they can tell you who shows up and who doesn't, who remembers and who forgets, who takes and who gives back."

"Research suggests that the nature of our earliest caregiving relationships significantly influences how we connect with others in adulthood. Children who experienced inconsistent responsiveness from caregivers developed what researchers call anxious attachment."

Favor-tracking is often mischaracterized as manipulative, but for many, it is a survival mechanism rooted in childhood experiences. Inconsistent emotional expression leads children to track reciprocity as proof of love. This behavior stems from a need for reassurance and balance in relationships, particularly for those with anxious attachment styles. The ideal of unconditional love without accounting is often unattainable for individuals who grew up in environments where love was conditional and tied to actions.

Read at Silicon Canals