"According to the author, Zach Mercurio, mattering is when another satisfies our fundamental need to be seen, heard, and valued. Mattering is when we feel significant to others. 'Mattering is different and more elemental than 'belonging' or 'inclusion.' Belonging is feeling welcomed and accepted into a group. Inclusion is being invited and able to take an active role in that group, but mattering is feeling significant to its members.'"
"Mercurio's description explains my - and many others' - experiences after the fallout from brain injury comes to its fullest head. You learn you may belong; you experience being invited by people who don't recognize your limitations and so your injury precludes inclusion - which tells you they haven't seen nor heard you. You learn you matter little, if at all."
"I arrived in England to discover that however I wanted to communicate was fine with everyone. I could text if I wanted, phone if I wanted, or email if I wanted. I didn't have to pretzel my way around other people's preferred twentieth century communications. Instead, they in their normal lives, busy work, and relationships said, 'Let us know what works best for you, and it's all right.' All right? I almost wept."
Mattering means having one's fundamental need to be seen, heard, and valued by others. Mattering differs from belonging and inclusion because it centers on feeling personally significant to group members. After brain injury, people may be welcomed yet excluded when others fail to recognize limitations, producing a persistent sense of insignificance. Daily survival pressures can cause individuals to rationalize lack of attention as convenience rather than neglect, but crises reveal deeper patterns of being unseen. Explicit accommodation of communication preferences can provide profound relief and validation when others proactively adjust behavior to acknowledge needs.
Read at Psychology Today
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