If your grown children treat you like an obligation rather than a person, these 6 patterns from their childhood are probably why - Silicon Canals

"When my friend told me her adult son only calls when he needs something, I could hear the pain in her voice. "He treats every visit like he's checking off a to-do list," she said, stirring her coffee absently. Meanwhile, another friend regularly has dinner with her grown daughter, who still asks for advice and shares her daily victories and struggles. What creates such different relationships between parents and their adult children?"

"After years of watching these dynamics play out, and reflecting on my own journey through therapy where I finally understood patterns I'd been repeating since college, I've noticed something crucial. When grown children treat their parents like obligations rather than people, it usually traces back to specific childhood patterns. These aren't always about terrible parenting or dramatic trauma. Sometimes, they're about subtle dynamics that shaped how children learned to relate to their parents."

Differences in parent–adult child relationships often stem from childhood emotional patterns. When caregivers manage rather than welcome emotions—using phrases that minimize feelings—children learn to hide vulnerability and treat emotions as problems to solve. Such upbringing fosters adults who keep parents at arm's length, viewing visits as obligations rather than opportunities for connection. Not all problematic dynamics result from severe trauma; subtle repeated responses shape relational habits. Emotional invalidation teaches suppression, eroding the capacity for openness. Vulnerability remains essential for intimacy; when it is discouraged, the door to authentic connection with parents closes, affecting long-term relational quality.

Read at Silicon Canals