How Growing Up Parentified Impacts Your Relationships

"Many people come into therapy with a desire to talk about the present: the promotion they didn't get, the stress they feel as parents, their frustration with that friend they can't stand but are still keeping around. But mostly, they want to talk about their relationships. What's wrong with them, how to make them better, confirmation that they are in fact not crazy and that it really isn't a lot to ask of their partner to do ( insert task here)."

"As we continue to talk about the present, I sprinkle in these questions, which will inevitably lead us down intertwined paths that end with an exploration of their past. The realization that often hits them is this: How they grew up, what relationships they witnessed, and the role they played in their family all contribute to the kind of partner they choose and the role they continue to play in their adult relationships."

Many people seek therapy primarily to address relationship problems, including present stresses like work setbacks and difficult friendships. Therapists often ask about childhood experiences, parental relationships, and family roles to clarify present relational patterns. Childhood experiences, witnessed parental relationships, and roles assumed in the family influence partner selection and adult relationship roles. Growing up parentified can leave an unresolved caregiving role that produces relational stress in adulthood. Attachment functions as a bridge between childhood and adulthood; secure attachment offers safety like a well-built bridge. Understanding attachment can ease relational distress and enable more productive partner interactions.

Read at Psychology Today