How can we navigate difficult conversations these holidays? Buddhism offers some guidance | Making sense of it

"I often swing between hyper-assertiveness and retreating entirely, but both avoid vulnerability. I often tell myself silence is skilful, though it can easily turn into passive aggression. And avoidance has consequences not speaking out of fear can create distance and irreparable damage to relationships and communities. As the Buddhist activist-scholar bell hooks says: to know love we have to tell the truth to ourselves and to others Commitment to truth telling lays the groundwork for the openness and honesty that is the heartbeat of love."

"So how can we intentionally cultivate our capacity to have difficult conversations in a way that lovingly acknowledges our radical interbeing while honouring what must be said? From a Buddhist perspective, life itself not simply formal meditation is our broad field of practice. Which means this question demands serious contemplation. The way we speak and respond to one another, and ourselves, shapes experience and has the real power to harm or to support."

A person can oscillate between hyper-assertiveness and complete retreat when facing difficult conversations, both of which avoid vulnerability. Silence perceived as skill can become passive aggression, and avoidance can create distance and irreparable damage to relationships and communities. To know love requires telling the truth to ourselves and to others; commitment to truth-telling lays the groundwork for openness and honesty that sustain love. Cultivating capacity for difficult conversations involves intentional practice in daily life, recognizing that speech and response shape experience and can either harm or support through co-regulation of nervous systems. Speech can be weaponised, complicating responsibility and freedom of expression.

Read at www.theguardian.com