People who were told they were "too much" as children didn't become less. They became strategic, learning exactly how much of themselves each person could tolerate and rationing accordingly, and they've been doing the math in every room since. - Silicon Canals

"When a child hears 'you're too much,' the message isn't really about volume or intensity. The message is conditional: you are welcome here, but only a portion of you."

"What develops is something I'd call relational mathematics. Every new person, every new environment, every new group becomes a problem to solve: how much enthusiasm is safe here? How much sadness? How much need?"

When children are told they are 'too much,' they internalize a message of conditional acceptance, leading to a lifetime of emotional strategizing. Instead of simply toning down their emotions, they learn to meter their feelings based on perceived thresholds of acceptance. This results in a critical inner voice that develops in childhood, causing individuals to constantly calculate how much of themselves is safe to express in various relationships and environments. The emotional suppression does not eliminate feelings but transforms them into a complex relational mathematics that governs adult interactions.

Read at Silicon Canals