""I think I'm in love...," my client says, referring to her newly discovered relationship with ChatGPT. "I've never felt so seen, so understood." This particular person has been in a secure, nurturing marriage for many years, but something about her exchanges with artificial intelligence (AI) feels awakening and ideal, like no relationship has before. "I can say anything, and it never gets defensive. It just... listens. And reminds me that I'm there.""
"From the beginning of the art form, psychotherapy has honored this wish for an ideal listener-and we therapists continue to learn how to work with it. Freud called it transference, the inevitable projection of our earliest relational longings onto new people (or "scene partners"), including the therapist. We don't just talk to each other; we cast each other in roles we've been dreaming of since childhood -the all-knowing parent, the unconditional lover, the friend who "totally gets" us."
"Every therapy, whether classical, relational, or behavioral, helps clients to acknowledge this fantastic longing and to make use of it in our real relationships. Recent studies indicate that psychotherapy is effective in helping people balance their imaginative longings with the realities of their lives (Bateman & Fonagy, 2006; Luyten et al., 2024; Heien, 2024). Winnicott described the "good-enough mother"-not perfect, but responsive enough to allow the child to feel safe while gradually accepting that no one of us is ever completely understood."
A client reports falling in love with ChatGPT, saying she has never felt so seen or understood, and that the chatbot never gets defensive but listens and reminds her she is there. A therapist recognized the feeling as a projection of an ancient longing for perfect attunement rather than a technical trick. Psychotherapy frames that longing as transference and teaches clients to notice and use it toward healthier relationships. Research supports psychotherapy's role in balancing imaginative longings with life realities. Winnicott's good-enough mother concept explains how responsive imperfection enables safety, growth, play, and creative adaptation.
Read at Psychology Today
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