"The words seemed innocent enough, but something felt off. Hours later, you're still replaying the exchange in your head, wondering if you overreacted or misunderstood something obvious. This unsettling feeling isn't accidental. Through interviewing over 200 people for various articles, from startup founders to burned-out middle managers, I've noticed patterns in how certain people use language to subtly control situations and relationships."
"This classic dismissal does double duty: it invalidates your feelings while positioning the manipulator as the reasonable one. When someone tells you you're being too sensitive, they're essentially saying your emotional response is wrong, excessive, or unwarranted. I once had a friend who constantly competed with me professionally and personally. Whenever I'd express discomfort about her habit of undermining my achievements in front of others, she'd hit me with this phrase. It took me years to realize my sensitivity wasn't the problem; her behavior was."
Gaslighting uses common conversational phrases that appear reasonable but systematically invalidate feelings and distort memory, causing recipients to doubt their perceptions. Manipulative language includes dismissals of emotion, denials of events, and reframings that shift blame away from the instigator. Targets replay exchanges, question their judgment, and defend their right to feel instead of addressing the problematic behavior. Manipulators rely on plausibility to avoid accountability. Recognizing and naming specific destabilizing phrases reduces their effectiveness, restores confidence, and enables clearer boundaries and accountability in interpersonal interactions.
Read at Silicon Canals
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