I grew up in a house where apologies were always followed by explanations, and I didn't understand until my thirties that an explanation after an apology isn't accountability. It's a refund request. - Silicon Canals

"The conventional wisdom says that explaining yourself after an apology shows maturity. You're giving the other person context. But transparency that arrives on the heels of 'I'm sorry' has a very specific function: it reopens the negotiation."

"An apology with an attached explanation has a specific psychological architecture. The 'sorry' comes first, establishing good faith. The 'but' or 'because' arrives next, subtly reframing the event."

"The apology was always a bridge to the explanation, and the explanation was always the destination. It took me until my thirties to see the pattern clearly."

Apologies followed by explanations create a facade of accountability while actually shifting blame. This pattern, often seen in emotionally articulate households, reframes the apology and burdens the recipient with processing the context. The structure of such apologies includes a 'sorry' to establish good faith, followed by a 'but' or 'because' that reframes the situation. This dynamic can lead to a misunderstanding of emotional intelligence, as it often masks the true intent behind the apology.

Read at Silicon Canals