Your proposal seems totally reasonable to me, assuming your husband's parents or his (nonhost) siblings have the bandwidth to keep an eye on your children for a couple of hours.
Would you consider sending your husband to the party with the children and attending the funeral alone? Or, could you leave your children with family or friends in California and fly in for the funeral with just your husband?
By necessity, you are sharing only a small part of the story here, but it seems a little excessive to fly two children cross-country for a baby's birthday party. Still, I assume you have your reasons.
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