Repeated denigration of one parent by the other in a child’s presence qualifies as parent-bashing and can be a form of emotional abuse when done knowingly and repeatedly. Children exposed to parent-bashing often feel torn, guilty, and afraid to express affection for the other parent. Such behavior can lead to withdrawal, refusal to visit the other parent, shame, and even self-harm ideation. Children may align with the abusive parent out of fear or to avoid conflict at home. Parent-bashing damages parent-child relationships and creates long-term emotional and psychological harm for the child.
"Nichole" was 10 when I started seeing her at her school. The school counselor reported that Nicole was talking about wanting to "cut myself in half," prompting concern. During our first session, she reported that she lives with her mom during the week and visits her dad every other weekend. This is common for many kids whom I see, as we live in a time of many diverse examples of family and parenting. In therapy, she began to talk about feeling scared to mention her dad around her mom. When asked why, she shrugged and said, "Because it'll make her mad."
Over time, Nichole shared that her mom often referred to her dad as "lazy," "useless," or "a liar." If Nichole came home happy after a weekend with him, her mom got cold or withdrew. "I can tell she's mad, and she doesn't talk to me for a couple days. I feel like I am in trouble," she reported. When Nichole says she misses her dad, her mom says things like, "He never cared about you when we were together," or, "You'll see what he's really like one day."
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