"When Kalani became a mother, she was determined to provide her children with the love and stability she never had in her own family. However, she quickly found herself overwhelmed. Small conflicts-like tantrums or sibling arguments-triggered intense anxiety. Without meaning to, Kalani would either raise her voice or shut down completely."
"Kalani felt guilty for not handling these moments the way she had hoped, constantly fearing that she would repeat the patterns of neglect and emotional abuse from her own upbringing. On top of that, her past trauma made it difficult for her to set boundaries."
"She found herself sacrificing her own needs for the sake of her children's comfort, feeling as if she didn't give them everything they wanted, she would be failing them, just like her parents had failed her."
Kalani's childhood trauma from abuse, neglect, and sexual assault profoundly affected her parenting. Small conflicts triggered intense anxiety, causing her to either raise her voice or shut down emotionally. Fearing she would repeat her parents' patterns, she overcompensated by being overly lenient and sacrificing her own needs. This created tension with her husband, who felt forced into the disciplinarian role. Kalani's experience illustrates how unprocessed trauma manifests in parenting behaviors, creating internal conflict between the parent one wants to be and the reactive patterns trauma produces. Recognizing these triggers is essential for breaking intergenerational cycles.
#childhood-trauma #parenting-patterns #intergenerational-trauma #emotional-regulation #trauma-informed-parenting
Read at Psychology Today
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