What to Do if Your Child Is Dating the Wrong Person

"Being uncomfortable with your child's choice of partner is tricky. Your instinct may be to judge and control, but expressing disapproval or forbidding the relationship outright risks alienating your child, making the young couple more determined to be together. It's psychological reactance in action: Obstacles heighten desire. Indeed, research shows that telling young people they can't see someone makes them more likely to do so and more likely to be influenced by that person."

"Plus, outlawing a relationship usually doesn't work. Two people who want to be together will find a way. Their secret relationship will function in isolation, which leaves them vulnerable. This happens often to young people in queer relationships and those whose families' strict religious or cultural beliefs don't allow dating. Partners are more likely to put up with problems and feel they don't have choices or control in the relationships. If the relationship turns unhealthy or abusive, they'll be reluctant to seek help."

Parents instinctively judge or try to control whom teens date, but disapproval or forbidding often backfires by increasing desire and secrecy. Adolescents view dating choices as core to autonomy and interpret restrictions as personal intrusions. Outlawing relationships pushes couples into isolated, secret contexts where partners tolerate problems, reducing help-seeking if abuse occurs, particularly among queer youth or those in strict cultural or religious families. Parents should focus on behaviors and emotions rather than personal attacks, monitor safety, and keep communication open to reduce risks. Research indicates parents are often more accurate sources about dating than peers.

Read at Psychology Today