"My spouse and I are on a difficult journey through infertility struggles. We've had some pregnancy losses, and we're currently pursuing treatment. During this time, we also became foster parents, with the goal of helping parents and children to reunify (privately, I felt that channeling my grief into helping other parents would be healing). Our most recent foster case has transitioned to adoption. We love our soon-to-be son, though"
"we had no idea he'd become legally ours when the case began. Suddenly, I'm very self-conscious about how this looks from the outside. I don't personally believe that adoption is a solution for infertility, and our little boy is not a consolation prize. I find myself bristling at well-meaning comments from others ("You get to keep him!" being a common one) and I don't want our toddler growing up thinking he was Plan B."
Maintain privacy about infertility and the child's foster-to-adoption history by sharing only what feels necessary, and set firm boundaries with acquaintances. Prepare brief, neutral responses to deflect offhand remarks and correct misleading assumptions when appropriate. Separate personal grief over pregnancy loss from gratitude for the child, and avoid framing adoption as a consolation. Craft an age-appropriate, truthful narrative for the child that emphasizes belonging and permanency without labeling them 'Plan B.' Seek supportive communities or therapy to process infertility and adoption-related grief. Protect the child's dignity by preventing reductive public comments and controlling the family story.
Read at Slate Magazine
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