"My brother and his wife have "Alfonso" (15) and "Gabriel" (16), who really don't get along. The boys are both autistic with different needs. Alfonso is easily overstimulated by bright lights or loud sounds, and Gabriel is loud and intense, a kid who gets very close and has big, physical stims. At nearly every family event, the boys get frustrated with each other, and it gets physical between them. Their parents gently ask them to stop, but nothing happens, and they eventually physically separate them."
"Our 4 and 6 year old are scared when the boys fight. We remind our kids that the boys have trouble dealing with big feelings, and they should tell a grown-up. We supervise our kids closely and always pick up and leave if needed. Last year, I told my brother and his wife that these fights scare my kids, and that it was a big problem for the time we spent together."
Two teenage nephews with autism have incompatible sensory and behavioral needs that frequently lead to physical confrontations at family gatherings. Their parents attempt gentle intervention but cannot reliably prevent escalation, and other relatives either ignore the incidents or avoid addressing them. The writer’s 4- and 6-year-old children become frightened when fights occur, prompting supervised, shortened visits and a decision in 2025 to restrict holidays to brief encounters. Apologies followed earlier conversations but produced no lasting change. The nephews are moving nearby in 2026, creating concern about increased contact, safety, and the need for clear boundaries and practical plans.
Read at Slate Magazine
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