"This arrangement only works because we outsource a lot of the domestic work around the house-laundry, cleaning, yardwork, etc.-to external folks. We do this so we can spend the little time we all have together bonding and having quality time, as opposed to doing domestic work. But there's been an unintended consequence. Here's the issue: My oldest son "Paul" (he's 12) has seen this arrangement his entire life, and believes it's completely normal for a maid to take care of all the housework."
"We messed up in not expecting him to make his bed or tidy his room-we never really taught those skills, and haven't held him accountable. Most of his friends are far more adept at housework. I don't want him to grow up expecting someone else to do all the "dirty work" for him, be it a maid or his future spouse."
Two working mothers outsource most household tasks to preserve family bonding time, producing a 12-year-old who assumes a maid should handle housework. The child lacks basic skills and accountability because parents never expected chores. Correction is possible by assigning age-appropriate chores, teaching tasks step-by-step, modeling behavior, and enforcing consistent expectations and consequences. Start small, trade privileges for responsibilities, use clear routines and praise effort, and avoid shaming. Maintain some paid help for time-consuming tasks while gradually shifting routine domestic responsibilities to the child. Patience and consistency rebuild competence without sacrificing core family connection.
Read at Slate Magazine
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