"If you are like most parents of overthinkers, you seem to do everything right. You listen, reassure, and explain things to help your child feel better. And yet the overthinking doesn't stop. Sometimes it actually gets worse. That's because how quickly you respond often has more to do with managing your child's overthinking than with your response. The Problem Is Not The Lack of Reassurance The urgency behind the reassurance is what actually drives many kids to stay in maddening overthinking loops."
"When a child says: What if I fail? What if something bad happens? What if somebody laughs at me? Most parents instantly jump in to try to quell the fear: Explaining why it won't happen giving evidence offering reassurance trying to fix the feeling The parents who reach out to me initially stress that it feels natural, loving, and "what any concerned parent would do" when their child is struggling in a nagging loop of worries. I get it. But to a child's overthinking brain, this message can sound very different: This must be very serious, or my mom (dad) would not be rushing in to help me. While researching my book, Freeing Your Child From Overthinking, I confirmed that brains wired for overthinking are especially tuned for threat detection. Kids don't just listen to words; they listen to tone, speed, facial expression, and emotional energy."
Many parents instinctively listen, reassure, and explain when children voice worries, but rapid urgent reassurance often signals danger and amplifies overthinking. Children's brains wired for overthinking are especially tuned for threat detection and interpret tone, speed, facial expression, and energy as evidence of seriousness. Quick parental responses can unintentionally validate fears and sustain looping worries. Overthinking children benefit less from immediate fixes and more from calm pauses and containment that reduce emotional arousal. Slowing responses and regulating parental emotion functions like air traffic control, helping the child's brain de-escalate and preventing escalation of anxious thought cycles.
Read at Psychology Today
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