The Fine Line Of Pushing Your Kid To Be Their Best Without Pressuring Them

"It's a popular piece of advice: You have to get out of your comfort zone to grow. You have to try hard things, you have to push yourself, you have to work really hard to be the best version of you that you can be. But with this narrative, it feels like there's a very thin line between growth and causing unnecessary pressure and stress, especially on our kids. Whether it's learning to ride a bike without training wheels or wanting your kid to study more for an upcoming test, parents often feel stuck between wanting to push their child to be and do their best and not wanting to be another loud voice in their kid's ears, stressing them out and pushing them over the edge."

"How do you dance along that line? How do you encourage your child to do hard things, to really work at something, to get out of their comfort zone, without sending them flailing into the fetal position the minute their pencil point breaks during a test? And how do you know when to back off?"

"This is when it really helps to know your child... and to get really comfortable with hearing their true feelings out. Lisa S. Larsen, PsyD, a licensed psychologist with over 20 years of experience as a psychotherapist, tells Scary Mommy that if you're wanting to encourage your child to try out something new - like a new sport or a new hobby - it's less about "why don't you want to do something" and more "why don't you want to do this particular thing." You're not trying to pressure your child into being an athlete, but it's fair to ask them why they're no longer interested in basketball after signing up, or why they won't give their soccer practice the commitment it deserves."

Stepping out of comfort zones supports growth but can create a thin line between constructive challenge and unnecessary pressure that stresses children. Parents often balance pushing for effort and avoiding becoming an overbearing voice that increases anxiety. Effective encouragement relies on understanding a child's specific feelings and reasons for resistance rather than assuming a general lack of willingness. Asking targeted questions about why a child dislikes a particular activity helps reveal poor fit, fear, or lack of interest. Examples include learning to ride a bike, study pressure before tests, and shifting interest in sports or hobbies.

Read at Scary Mommy