Psychology suggests that adult children who are the most loyal to their parents in late life are often the ones who never quite became close to them - the loyalty is the substitute for the closeness that didn't form, and the visits, the calls, the careful attention are sometimes a daughter's way of paying for an intimacy that was supposed to have been included - Silicon Canals

"The adult child in this configuration is, in most cases, doing more relational work than their siblings. They are the one whose calendar revolves around the parent's needs. They are the one who organizes the holidays, who tracks the medications, who manages the family group chat, who functions as the operational center of the parent's late life. The work is, by any reasonable measure, real care. The work is also, if examined honestly, almost"

An adult child may appear devoted and close by consistently calling, traveling for minor procedures, and taking over medical and logistical tasks as a parent ages. Friends and family often describe the relationship as exemplary and intimate, while the adult child may deflect praise as simply what a parent has earned. Underneath, the devotion may not reflect existing closeness; it may substitute for intimacy that did not develop earlier. The loyalty can operate as dutiful, frequent, and costly payments that are not structurally the same as the closeness being sought. This pattern can be hard to recognize from the outside, and those inside it may lack language for it. The adult child often performs more relational work than siblings, becoming the operational center of late-life needs.

Read at Silicon Canals