"As I explain to parents that I coach, addiction hijacks the brain's decision-making and reward systems. It is not a simple matter of willpower. In fact, when your adult child hears, "Why don't you just stop?" they harshly experience you saying: You are weak. You are choosing drugs over us. You are failing at something everyone else can do. Those interpretations fuel shame. And shame is gasoline for addictions."
"Most parents don't want to come off as judgmental. They want to see their adult child (and themselves) no longer driven by anxiety and pain. What parents likely mean is: I love you and am terrified of losing you. I want the real you back. I don't understand why this is happening. But the message does not get heard in this well-intended way. Instead, it comes through as shame, pressure, and blame."
Telling an adult child struggling with addiction to "just stop" is counterproductive because addiction hijacks brain decision-making and reward systems, making cessation not simply a matter of willpower. Such statements imply weakness, choice of drugs over family, and personal failure, which fuel shame. Shame strengthens addictive behaviors and reduces the likelihood of seeking help. Parents often mean to convey love, fear, and a desire for recovery, but their words can be perceived as judgment and blame. Effective parental responses balance emotional safety with clear limits, avoiding rescuing or enabling while increasing chances of healing.
Read at Psychology Today
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