My Mother-in-Law Is Threatening Our Son With a New Boogeyman-Except This One's Real

"While my in-laws are both excellent grandparents in general, when Ethan does something he isn't supposed to, his grandmother will correct him by telling him it's "what your ass-headed grandpa would do, and you don't want to be like him, right?" So, unsurprisingly, Ethan has recently been asking why Grandma doesn't like Grandpa."

"I have tried talking to my mother-in-law about keeping the negative thoughts about her ex-husband to herself, but she says she is "just being honest." I understand her anger toward my father-in-law, but these kinds of comments are not appropriate. My husband refuses to get involved."

"Does your husband's "refusal to get involved" mean that he feels OK about what his mother says to Ethan about his grandfather? Or even that he approves of it? Is he so accustomed to his mother's lack of filter-and downright nastiness-that he doesn't register it as a problem? Or does this "refusal" just mean that he is conflict-avoidant, fearful of upsetting his mother, or ... I don't know, lazy?"

A mother seeks advice about her mother-in-law's inappropriate comments to their nearly 3-year-old son, Ethan. The grandmother frequently tells the child that his grandfather's behavior is bad and uses derogatory language when correcting him. The mother has attempted to address this with her mother-in-law, who dismisses concerns by claiming she is "just being honest." The father refuses to intervene in the situation. The advice columnist emphasizes that the father's refusal to engage is problematic and suggests he must have a direct conversation with his mother about the inappropriateness of involving the child in adult conflicts and negative characterizations of family members.

Read at Slate Magazine