"I think your biggest problem here is not your difficult mother-in-law, but the fact that your 7-year-old (!) apparently feels comfortable trying to blackmail you. Obviously you wouldn't have spoken the way you did if you knew your daughter was in earshot. You said that Lily is close with Bonnie, and so maybe she cares about her feelings-you can try explaining how hurt her grandmother would be if your words got back to her."
"You can also be honest and let Lily know that sometimes family relationships are challenging, but we make our choices and then do the best we can. Tell her that you're sorry she overheard what you said and got upset, and that you wouldn't have said it if you'd known she was listening. But there is a difference between saying something you never intend"
A mother-in-law named Bonnie is difficult, and a parent tolerated her because the seven-year-old daughter Lily is close to her. The parent vented about Bonnie on the phone, unaware Lily overheard and is now upset and threatening to reveal the remarks unless given a hoverboard that the parent considers dangerous. The husband blames the parent for speaking poorly of his mother. The responding advice emphasizes that the immediate issue is the child's attempt to manipulate. The parent should apologize for the remark, explain family complexities, teach that manipulation is unacceptable, maintain consistent boundaries, and address safety concerns about the hoverboard.
Read at Slate Magazine
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