"Growing up, the grandparents who raised me were a generation removed from me, and because of it, I never felt like I could go to them with real issues or problems. I hid the deep and dark stuff because children were to be seen and not heard. We did not talk about the big things like sex or drugs. Instead, the warnings were direct and often frightening."
"I remember coming home after having a few drinks at a high school party. "You can do this one step at a time. Say hello and walk (in a straight line) to your room," I whispered to myself as I climbed the steep front steps leading to our second-floor apartment. There was no getting caught, or I would die, or at least endure endless punishments preventing me from going to said parties until I was an adult capable of making my own decisions."
"Sometimes, this lack of communication led to unwise decisions. I didn't feel like I had an adult I could call if I'd done something I wasn't supposed to do. If I did something foolish, I was on my own. It wasn't safe, and I'd watched more than one friend get seriously injured (either physically or mentally) when they made a typical teen choice and felt they didn't have an adult they could trust to help them."
Grandparents raised a child with strict silence and fear, treating children as to be seen and not heard and avoiding conversations about sex or drugs. Warnings relied on frightening, absolute statements such as 'Do not do drugs or you'll die' and 'Do not have sex or you'll get pregnant' instead of explanation. The lack of open communication created terror of adults and a need to hide mistakes, leading to isolation when support was needed. Fear-based discipline resulted in risky decisions by teens who felt they had no trusted adult to call. Choosing open conversations, trust, and guidance over threats strengthened parent-child relationships despite criticism.
Read at Business Insider
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