"For instance, I was over for dinner in mid-December when Andrew told Lila that his mom had texted him saying she wasn't feeling well and wouldn't be able to come over the next day for Hanukkah. My niece heard, and cried out, "So we won't get our presents? Not fair!" (Mind you, when I came over that night, the first thing the little ones said to me was, "Did you bring us presents?") Lila and Andrew didn't say anything, so I couldn't help saying, "Your grandmother is sick. What's important is for her to get better. I bet she'd love to hear you say you hope she feels better soon!""
"It's little things like this that get to me. I know they're kids, and I know Lila and Andrew have to pick their battles, but I can't help worrying that ignoring these things will send the message that it's OK to be greedy or self-centered. Am I overthinking this? If not, is it OK for me to occasionally redirect the little ones the way I did the other night? I don't want Lila and Andrew to feel bad and think I'm judging them. Please tell me if I'm the one who needs to be redirected!"
An aunt worries about when and how to correct her young niece and nephew’s self-centered behavior during family moments. She describes a Hanukkah incident where the children immediately asked about presents after a grandparent cancelled due to illness, and she intervened to prompt empathy for the sick relative. Light, calm redirection can model kindness and help teach social expectations without undermining parental authority. Guests and relatives should keep corrections brief, nonjudgmental, and avoid repeated lecturing. If problematic behaviors persist, address them privately with parents and seek a consistent approach together.
Read at Slate Magazine
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