"Through a variety of illnesses, decisions, and secondary infertility, my son, who is now 19, is my only child. Do not get me wrong, I am thrilled to have at least one child when I know there are many women longing for a baby. But the thing is, I wanted a house full of children. I wanted the chaos, the noise, the big family."
"But that doesn't erase the memory of my son asking for a sibling or the sight of him sitting at the end of the driveway waiting for someone to come outside so they could play; or the sight of him jumping alone on the trampoline or swimming in the pool by himself. Prudie, I don't know how to get over this loss of the future I thought I'd have, even 19 years later. It can bring me to tears in a second."
A 50-year-old woman grieves the loss of a larger family after secondary infertility left her with a single son now aged 19. She wanted a house full of children and remembers her son asking for a sibling and playing alone, which triggers strong sadness and panic attacks. She fears her son is lonely despite his work, college attendance, and small friend group. She attends weekly therapy. A skilled therapist can reframe perceptions, ease persistent grief, and offer coping strategies to find relief, acceptance, and new meaning in the current family life.
Read at Slate Magazine
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