"He can drive, but whenever we visit family, he always asks to hitch a ride. We don't mind if it's dark out, because he has trouble with night vision, but we don't want to be his chauffeur and be regarded as a throuple. Worse, he always undercuts me when I'm talking that's not true, it wasn't that day, it didn't happen that way, etc. I think Hal gets jealous when I receive any attention."
"DEAR CLOSE: The next time Hal asks to hitch a ride with you to visit family, tell him that while you overlooked his undercutting in the past, when he said he didn't think your son would follow your advice, he went too far. Then tell him that in the future he will be arranging his own transportation because he won't be riding with you."
"The umbilical cord was wrapped around her neck for so long that the damage was irreparable. My first husband couldn't handle it and left us. Luckily, a number of years later, I met and married a wonderful man. He treated my daughter as if she were his own. Every weekend, we would take her out for breakfast. Many times, we'd have to leave the restaurant because of her behavior. He was my rock and my support and helped with her until his death."
A neighbor named Hal lives two doors down and maintains friendly relations but repeatedly asks to ride to family visits despite being able to drive. He has night-vision trouble, undercuts the narrator during conversations, and shows jealousy when she receives attention. A particularly hurtful comment about their son refusing her advice became the tipping point. The recommended response is to calmly state that his undercutting went too far and that he must arrange his own transportation in the future. Separately, a mother cares for a 54-year-old profoundly disabled, non-verbal daughter in a group home after severe birth-related brain damage and the death of a supportive husband, and she worries about future care and her physical limitations for outings.
Read at www.mercurynews.com
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