"We often joke that we're like interconnected fire alarms. Psychologists call this "co-regulation," but for us, it's visceral. If one of us gets worked up, the other is almost guaranteed to go off too. But what could be chaos has become a catalyst. Over time, we've sharpened our ability to notice warning signs - subtle energy shifts that signal a meltdown."
"While we may now be better at de-escalating, we also have a knack for letting things escalate. The noise gets loud, the words get sharp, and the shame of losing control hits us both hard. It usually ends much later, collapsing in giggles and realizing how ridiculous we must have looked. It's not always pretty, but it's real, and it's ours. The best part? We both recognize when we've crossed a line and offer each other a sincere "my bad.""
A parent observes a child with ADHD and recognizes similar childhood struggles such as drifting attention, hard starts, and easy distractions. Co-regulation creates visceral, interconnected emotional responses where one person's agitation triggers the other's. Awareness of subtle energy shifts enables earlier de-escalation, although escalation still occurs. Reframing ADHD as focused intensity emphasizes protecting moments of deep focus rather than labeling inattention. Effective connection relies on decoding behavior, maintaining personal regulation, listening deeply, and cultivating joy. Practical strategies include noticing how one's nervous system sets the emotional tone and stepping aside to allow the child to find their rhythm.
Read at Psychology Today
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