""I've always been the person in my marriage who has the more flexible job. My partner works a very rigid schedule with not a lot of flexibility. We knew that going into parenting," she begins. "But what I didn't realize before we got into parenting is how having the flexible job is both a blessing and a curse. You become the default for everything. For when your kids are sick, when they have a doctor's appointment in the middle of the day, when like days like today they don't have school.""
""While it's amazing to not have to take PTO or not have to sacrifice sick time, it is really hard to be the person who is constantly responsible to constantly be context switching between work and kids and work and kids," she continues. "Always going back and forth because you never get to go deep work. So it actually takes you longer to do anything.""
When one partner has more flexible work and the other maintains rigid hours, the flexible worker commonly becomes the default caregiver. That person handles sick children, midday doctor appointments, school closures, home maintenance access, pet care, and other household interruptions. Flexibility can save PTO and sick time but forces frequent context switching between work and caregiving, reducing opportunities for deep, focused work and slowing productivity. The flexible worker often compensates by working late into the night, extending total work hours and blurring boundaries between work and personal life. Unacknowledged daily interruptions accumulate both practically and emotionally.
Read at Scary Mommy
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