"Nearly 30 years ago, we went on a vacation with my two little boys to Sanibel Island. We chose a pizza place because, why not? But the pizza they served was, of course, different from our pizza at home. I remember watching with dismay as my oldest son, Nat, who has fairly profound autism, took a bite, scrunched up his face, and said, "Vacation" with angry tears in his voice."
"That may have been when my idea of vacation shifted away from what it had been before children, when I believed that "vacation" originated with a vision of leaving behind where you are. Who you are. To escape in such a way that this particular version of "me" gets left behind and I get to try on a new one."
"With the challenges that children bring, especially one as complex as Nat, our family vacations were never like that at all. We quickly learned to choose easy over new, sameness over adventure, so that we could create patterns, routines, and settings where Nat could be somewhat comfortable. Like so many families do, we began renting a lovely house near a beach on the Outer Cape. And so it had been for decades."
Family vacations shifted from seeking escape to prioritizing routine, predictability, and comfort to accommodate a son with profound autism. A single vacation moment—an unfamiliar pizza provoking an anguished "Vacation"—revealed the child's need for sameness and expression. The family began choosing familiar rental houses near beaches and planning trips far in advance to reduce stress. Daily outings like shopping, pharmacy runs, and drives required lengthy preparation. Vacations eliminated chores but retained significant anxiety, so choices favored ease over novelty to create patterns and settings where the autistic child could be somewhat comfortable, enabling the family to be happy in their own stressed way.
Read at Psychology Today
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