Souza described his feelings post-shooting, saying, 'I hoped I would just bleed out overnight because I didn't want to be around anymore.' He expressed profound grief after losing his friend Halyna Hutchins, reflecting on the irreversible changes to his sense of self: 'When I tell someone it ruined me, I don't mean in the sense that people might generally think. I mean, internally, the person I was just went away.'
When reflecting on justice, Souza voiced uncertainty, stating, 'I don’t know if there’s any satisfaction in seeing people pay for what has happened. A part of me feels like it will never feel right, no matter the outcome in the courts.'
The legal repercussions unfolded as the armorer was convicted of involuntary manslaughter, receiving an 18-month prison sentence, while Souza's assistant director entered a plea deal for negligence. For Souza, it was a complicated outcome, as he continued to grapple with the tragedy of losing Hutchins.
Souza's ordeal has not only been one of loss but also of questioning his own survival and purpose: 'I'm not sure I'm grateful I lived, but a part of me didn't want to survive.' His reflections reveal the deep emotional scars left by the tragedy.
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