The Only Spaghetti Eating Lesson You'll Ever Need | Defector
Briefly

The latest edition of the Defector Funbag discusses a variety of entertaining topics, including the proper etiquette for eating spaghetti, the competitive nature of lazy rivers, and the evolving role of music videos in 2025. Readers are encouraged to embrace their pasta experiences without trying to simplify them, as evidenced by humorous anecdotes involving family dynamics and personal preferences. The emphasis remains on enjoying life’s simple pleasures, even if they come with some messiness. The column is interactive, inviting readers to engage with their thoughts and experiences.
Cutting up your spaghetti is just a tick away from eating a burger with a knife and fork. Scott Conant would have you taken into a back alley and shot for this, as would many other Italians.
You won't find hacks like this on TikTok. By the way, our 16-year-old won't eat spaghetti because he also finds it too cumbersome to eat compared to the farfalles of the world.
Everyday lazy rivers are competitive enough as is Andy. I know because I have three children, and if I tell them, 'Hey, this park has a lazy river.'
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