"Perfectionists struggle with making sense of the world, fluctuating between extremes. This crops up in existential concerns, as well as more common ones. So, the world either feels magical or meaningless. The perfectionist is either brilliant or worthless. Others either care or they don't. This mindset leaves little room for complexity, betraying a strong preference to consider life in terms of essences."
"The perfectionist desperately wants the world to be neat and predictable, to know that everything fits everything else, that everything is basically pure. Fundamentally, they struggle with adequately making sense of paradoxes, or the apparent inconsistencies associated with violated expectations. This is, in part, why perfectionists tend to struggle with episodic but deep depression."
"Perfectionists utilize idealized criteria for others. 'Are they always consistent?' 'Are they there whenever I need them?' 'Do they go above and beyond?' 'How much do they really care?' And if one thing goes wrong, it must mean the relationship was never pure, meaning essentially bad. And if it's bad, it then feels empty."
Perfectionism stems from uncertainty about one's worth and others' care, manifesting as a need to find absolute essences and certainty in the world. Perfectionists think in extremes—the world is either magical or meaningless, people are brilliant or worthless, others care or they don't. This binary thinking leaves no room for complexity or paradox. Perfectionists apply idealized criteria to relationships, testing them rigorously for consistency and unwavering support. When any flaw appears, they conclude the relationship was fundamentally flawed and therefore essentially bad, leading to feelings of emptiness. This pattern contributes to episodic but deep depression as perfectionists struggle to accept life's inherent inconsistencies and contradictions.
Read at Psychology Today
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