"Initially, I thought I'd simply pulled a muscle and decided to walk off my strain with another bout of Christmas shopping. I cannot guarantee this did not make matters worse."
"By the time I got home, I was doubled over in agony. My partner arrived back later to find me in the foetal position, writhing on the bathroom floor, tipped-out shopping bag of festive decorations strewn around me."
"When I eventually conceded that perhaps we should call an ambulance, paramedics promptly hooked me up to an ECG machine but were unable to find a heartbeat."
"A&E resembled an office Christmas party planned by Satan himself, but I was glad to be in the safe hands of incredible doctors."
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