5 Abuse Red Flags Often Missed by Family Trauma Survivors

""How on Earth did I end up here?" I asked aloud, staring at the sky like the answer might be written in the clouds. I sat outside the courthouse in the sweltering Louisiana heat, waiting to hear the outcome of the third protection order I'd filed against an ex-partner. It was the early days of the COVID-19 lockdown, when people were scared to open doors, share pens, or even stand near each other. But my fear wasn't the virus."

"My fear came from something else: the daily threats from an ex-partner hellbent on revenge for me leaving. This self-talk didn't start as a form of victim-blaming (although any victim of domestic violence can tell you they likely spend time engaged in self-blame). Instead, I was desperate to understand how I kept getting myself in these cycles of unhealthy (and now even abusive) relationships. I remember feeling a mix of shame and frustration, wondering if there was something fundamentally wrong with me,"

"Many people imagine abuse as something obvious: shouting, hitting, or displaying very overt forms of control. But abuse is not always physical blows or name-calling-at least not in the beginning. It can often be subtle, at least at first, which can make it difficult to distinguish from the outside. Emotional and psychological abuse, in particular, can go unnoticed for years, even by the person experiencing it."

Many survivors of family trauma learn to excuse or deny abusive behavior in adult relationships, treating denial as a survival mechanism. Emotional and psychological abuse often begins subtly and can remain unnoticed for years, even by the person experiencing it. Prior normalization of controlling or dismissive behaviors in family of origin obscures recognition of red flags. Repeated cycles of unhealthy relationships can prompt intense self-questioning, shame, and self-blame. Threats, coercion, and nonphysical tactics can escalate to legal interventions such as protection orders. Awareness of subtle abuse signs is critical for interrupting recurring patterns.

Read at Psychology Today