"There are moments in our lives when progress cannot be forced. No strategy will suffice, no clarity will emerge on demand. We feel clueless about how to influence the behaviors of a group of people with whom we interact; our colleagues, the market, our family, our friends. We have no idea what happened within our organization, or within the ecosystem of our community. But everything around us seems to be in flux. Confusing. Unsteady. Separated from any sense of equilibrium."
"We've tried everything we know to make changes. We've developed positive habits: eating less, exercising more, giving ourselves more downtime, being patient with our parents, more understanding with our partners. But nothing we do seems to affect the situation. We cannot find our way forward. If anything, we are regressing backward. And we're not sure why. These moments are not the interruptions to the journey. They are the journey."
"[Priest and writer] Richard Rohr names this clearly: "Some kind of falling, what I call 'necessary suffering,' is programmed into the journey. It is needed to teach us that we are not in control, and it is never what we expected." I was half way through writing this article when I got the call to say that my father had just died."
Some moments in life defy strategy and cannot be forced. Progress stalls, clarity fails to emerge, and influence over colleagues, markets, or family feels impossible. Surroundings appear chaotic, unsteady, and disconnected from equilibrium. Attempts to change through habits and discipline often produce no effect and may coincide with regression. Necessary suffering—an unexpected falling—teaches lack of control. Grief exemplifies such suffering, bringing visceral shock and the slow work of processing loss. Leaders who have encountered their own breaking are better able to hold space, resist rushing others, and accompany people with presence, patience, and empathy.
Read at Big Think
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