Driving in Circles and Yearning to Be

"Last week I was in the Blue Ridge Mountains of North Carolina at the Art of Living Retreat Center, training therapists in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT). They came from over 30 different states-Wisconsin, Ohio, Illinois, Minnesota, Florida, Rhode Island, New Jersey, Oregon, Washington-I'd sit down at dinner, and join a conversation in which a therapist was sharing how she used her therapy training on the mules she raises back in Oklahoma."

""Mules don't forget," she said. "So you need to be very careful with how you approach them." At another table, a therapist who works with incarcerated clients told me about her three cats, and how she uses what she knows about trauma when the older ones gang up on the little one."

"Regardless of where you come from, or what you face on a daily basis, most of us have a genuine concern for others and a longing to be cared for. In my book Wise Effort, I write about the six core human yearnings identified by ACT founder Steven Hayes: 1. Connect with others. We yearn for belonging and understanding; for meaningful relationships, intimacy, and inclusion; to be part of the group. However, our ability to meet this yearning is often thwarted by another thing we humans have: a mind that layers on thoughts, categories, and stories that disconnect us. 2. Make sense of things. We yearn to understand ourselves and our context-to have our thoughts align with our experience."

Acceptance and Commitment Therapy identifies six core human yearnings that influence belonging, meaning, growth, and presence. Humans yearn to connect with others, seeking belonging, understanding, intimacy, inclusion, and meaningful relationships. Humans also yearn to make sense of themselves and their context, wanting thoughts to align with experience. A mind that layers thoughts, categories, and stories can disrupt connection and thwart yearnings. Pausing assumptions with a question such as "Are you sure?" can reopen empathy and connection. A daily check of "What do I yearn for now?" can align choices with values.

Read at Psychology Today