"I took it upon myself to be that person in the hospital every single day chasing doctors, taking notes, making sure I understood why they were doing things. It was so stressful, she says, that at one point her hair started falling out, but she ploughed on. It was Jones's therapist who gently questioned whether she was going to ask for help. Jones laughs. The hair falling out didn't suggest to me that I needed help, it was somebody else looking in and saying that."
"I had taken that role on: I'm just going to get everything done.' I just took off, and that was it. It's an experience many of us with so-called hyper-independence will recognise. I've behaved in similar ways, from more serious situations (I too have shouldered care responsibilities) to ridiculous ones, such as moving house alone, and the time I bought some weightlifting equipment then realised I wasn't strong enough to carry it home."
Cianne Jones cared daily for a seriously ill relative in intensive care for over a month, managing doctors, taking notes, and ensuring treatment understanding. The stress manifested physically when her hair began falling out, yet she continued without seeking assistance until a therapist suggested asking for help. Jones has a large family who were willing and able to help once asked, but asking did not occur to her. Hyper-independence often stems from fears of burdening others, rejection, or losing control. Strong relationships and willingness to request help influence wellbeing and reduce isolation and loneliness.
Read at www.theguardian.com
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