You Get the Best Light From a Burning Bridge

Maintaining unhealthy relationships out of guilt or obligation keeps the nervous system under chronic stress. Psychological abuse and emotional exhaustion are linked to higher rates of depression, anxiety, and trauma. Bullying can alter brain functioning, and epigenetic research shows negative experiences can change gene expression, increasing the chance of poor outcomes. Traditional advice against burning bridges can be harmful when a dynamic should not be revisited. Ending contact can deny access to triggers and reduce stress-related aging and heart disease risk. Burning a bridge can protect mental and emotional health and help “light your way.”

"Maintaining unhealthy relationships out of guilt or obligation keeps your nervous system stressed. Research reveals that psychological abuse and emotional exhaustion trigger chronic stress, which is often linked to higher rates of depression, anxiety, and trauma. Evidence also shows that the brain functioning of individuals who are bullied is altered, and epigenetic research has found that negative life experiences can alter gene expression, increasing the chance for bad outcomes."

"Traditional guidance be damned. There are concrete, clinically efficacious reasons to burn a bridge. These include denying you access to triggers; reducing stress-related aging and heart disease risk; and protecting your mental and emotional health. In short, you burn a bridge to "light your way." Good boundaries sometimes smell like smoke."

"It's old advice that burning bridges is a bad thing. Such counsel can do you a disservice if you're dealing with a dynamic you shouldn't return to - or should never have been in in the first place. It's the premise of every B horror movie: "C'mon man, don't go back inside the murder house! You just got out!""

"I've returned to toxic romantic relationships that only intensified my suffering. I've gone back to jobs I've quit only to leave again a few months later. I've even moved back to the same city three times over 10 years simply because it was familiar. But the most damning thing I kept returning to was my peace-thieving family. Until I didn't."

Read at Psychology Today