The Personality Paradox

"When I started working with Kelly, she was a mid-level manager at her company. She was the one everyone relied on. Her door was always open for questions, she'd return your email within six hours (usually faster), and her reports were always on time and accurate. Kelly was proud of this reputation. She was also exhausted and, if she was honest with herself, starting to feel a little resentful. She had put her name in the hat for a promotion at work and was passed over. The feedback she received was that leadership didn't yet see her as operating at a more strategic, innovative level. Her high conscientiousness, bordering on perfectionism, had served her well early in her career. But at this stage, those same traits were limiting her impact because she spent more time focusing on inbox zero instead of big picture innovation."

"Morgan, another client of mine, prided herself on being independent. She handled things on her own, rarely asked for help, and didn't rely heavily on others. This self-sufficiency helped her navigate early life challenges. But in her close relationships, the pattern began to cost her. Morgan had been online dating for a while. Early messages often turned into in-person dates, but conversations tended to stay surface-level, and her relationships never seemed to progress to the next level. Morgan's independence wasn't the problem. The issue was that a once"

Personality traits can develop as adaptive responses to earlier life demands and later become constraints as contexts change. A reliable, organized mid-level manager relied on conscientiousness and responsiveness, producing accuracy but limiting strategic impact and promotion prospects. A self-sufficient person developed independence that helped navigate challenges but hindered deeper emotional connection in relationships. The same trait can be an asset in one season and a liability in another. Growth requires expanding the range of how traits show up—using strengths more flexibly to meet new role demands, foster innovation, and deepen intimacy.

Read at Psychology Today