"For the parents who reach out to me, watching their adult child stall out, drift, or pull away is heartbreaking. From the outside, it can understandably look like a lack of effort or direction. But based on my own observations and those of mental health colleagues, overthinking, not laziness, is what holds back struggling adult children. Today's young adults are facing internal pressures that previous generations didn't. They have been raised in a world of information overload, complex decisions, high expectations, and nearly constant comparison."
"Stalling Out: When Anxiety Meets Shame For many struggling adult children, anxiety is only part of the story. The other part is shame. They are not just focused on failing; they are in fear of falling behind. They see their peers advancing. Their parents ask well-meaning questions that feel intrusive. This leads them to self-effacing self-talk that lacks flexibility and self-compassion."
Many young adults stall or withdraw not from laziness but from overthinking and shame. Information overload, complex choices, high expectations, and constant comparison create internal pressure that makes every decision feel risky and every step seem too large. Anxiety and fear of falling behind produce self-effacing thoughts like "I should be farther along," which trigger avoidance cascades: shame increases rumination, rumination prompts shutting down, and avoidance deepens paralysis. Sensitive, creative, and intelligent young people face especially high risk. Lack of a safe starting point magnifies the problem. Normalizing imperfect, messy beginnings reduces perceived risk and enables forward movement.
Read at Psychology Today
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