"I was a chronic worrier. A negative Nancy. I couldn't fathom that people's brains weren't hardwired to compulsively fear things might go wrong. I grew up as the eldest daughter in a turbulent household where my father's moods would plummet quickly and I walked on a knife-edge. Every morning, the second my eyes opened, I would force myself to accept it was going to be a bad day an act of self-preservation so the rug could never get pulled from under my feet."
"Before a date, a job interview, or a presentation, I'd tell myself it wasn't going to go well. If the opposite was true I'd convince myself it was a one-off fluke. Ruminating on worst-case scenarios would keep me up at night. In therapy I learned I was prone to catastrophising and while things like exercise, journalling and meditation helped over the years, it flared up at times of stress."
Chronic worry dominated childhood and adulthood, rooted in a turbulent household and constant vigilance because of a parent's volatile moods. The habit involved expecting the worst as a form of self-preservation, convincing oneself that positive outcomes were flukes. Therapy identified a tendency to catastrophise, and practices like exercise, journalling, and meditation provided partial relief, though stress triggered relapses. A sequence of small, fortuitous events — finding a crumpled 20 note and encountering consecutive green traffic lights — prompted recording those moments and began to alter the habitual expectation of negative outcomes.
Read at www.theguardian.com
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