"One of the most heartbreaking moments in therapy is hearing a child express, "If I were better, they wouldn't fight," or "I should have done something to prevent mom from being so sad." Even in the face of obvious adult problems, which may include addiction, conflict, depression, and divorce, children often turn the blame on themselves. This pattern is not a sign of manipulation or attention-seeking."
"Egocentrism and magical thinking: "If something bad happens, it must be me." In a cognitive-developmental sense, children are naturally egocentric. According to Piaget's theory, children in the preoperational stage struggle to take another's perspective and tend to assume that events are directly related to them (Piaget, 1952/1964). Their thinking is concrete and self-referential. So, when parents fight after dinner, a six-year-old doesn't think: "My parents are stressed about finances and unresolved relational wounds.""
Children frequently assume responsibility for adult problems such as addiction, conflict, depression, and divorce, blaming themselves to maintain perceived safety and connection. Cognitive development makes children egocentric and prone to magical thinking, leading them to interpret parental anger or sadness as caused by their actions. Attachment needs drive children to restore order and control through self-blame when relational security feels threatened. Neurobiological and developmental immaturity limits perspective-taking and emotional processing, increasing vulnerability to internalizing blame. Persistent self-blame imposes psychological costs throughout childhood and can carry into adulthood without corrective adult modeling, boundary-setting, and therapeutic intervention.
Read at Psychology Today
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