The 8 Unspoken Rules of Therapy

"While much is said about how to find a therapist, which is the first step, less is discussed about how to begin the work itself and remain in it, the second, no less important step. There are subtle, often unspoken dynamics that define a successful progression of the start. These are the rules that aren't found in a directory, but in the quiet space between you and your therapist, and in the process."

"Rule 1: Your feelings will amplify before they make sense. At the beginning of therapy, you may suddenly feel heightened fear, anger, shame, or sadness. This is not a sign that something is wrong, but it is a sign that something has already begun. The moment you committed to this path, your unconscious started the work. Feelings waiting to be addressed begin to surface, making themselves known."

"Rule 2: You won't know your method until you try it.While you can research modalities, such as cognitive behavioral therapy, emotionally focused approaches, somatic therapy, art therapy, and psychoanalysis, your intellectual preference is not always your nervous system 's preference. Some people thrive with structured exercises, while others need to explore emotional patterns or bodily sensations. The therapeutic approach that resonates with you in theory may not be the one that facilitates your growth."

Beginning therapy commonly intensifies emotions as previously unaddressed feelings surface, and heightened fear, anger, shame, or sadness can indicate that unconscious work has started. These emotional surges are normal and should be explored with the therapist. Therapeutic modalities vary widely; intellectual preference may not match nervous-system needs, so experimenting with approaches helps identify what truly facilitates growth. The quality of the connection with the therapist matters more than technique, with feeling heard, safe, and building trust serving as primary predictors of success. Allowing emotions to emerge, trying different methods, and prioritizing therapeutic alliance support sustained engagement and meaningful change.

Read at Psychology Today