The 1 Mistake Parents Make When Praising Kids ... And What to Do Instead

"The one feature that all Olympic athletes have in common, Varma said, is conscientiousness. "That, to me, is basically discipline and emotional stability when things get tough," Varma said. "It's showing up when life is inconvenient, and it's about not waiting for motivation to act." She added that athletes also share the ability to "stay calm. They can manage their emotions. They don't let their emotions manage them.""

"Varma was taught to "keep your head down and keep working and be humble and not really celebrate your wins." In the end, however, that upbringing did her a disservice. "Success is not just about your raw abilities, it's your confidence in those abilities," she said. If all else is equal, it's that confidence that predicts success. "Celebrating your wins says, 'I can see the connection between my effort and my performance.'""

"On the other hand, Varma considers failure to be "information" and not "identity." She suggested using information we learn from a setback to reframe what we're doing. "Rejection can often be redirection," she said. Especially when it comes to raising children, Varma stressed the importance of "looking at resilience, not as a fixed trait, but something that comes with growth, with practice." Varma says one place parents can make a mistake is in the way they give praise. Rather than praising our kids for being athletic or strong, we should focus on celebrating the amount of hours they dedicated to improving. "Praise the effort, because that is something that we always have control over," she said."

Olympic athletes commonly exhibit conscientiousness, defined as discipline and emotional stability under pressure. They demonstrate consistent effort, show up when it's inconvenient, and do not rely on motivation alone. Effective competitors manage emotions, stay calm, and prevent emotions from dictating performance. Suppressing celebration and humility can undermine confidence; recognizing wins strengthens the link between effort and results. Failure functions as information rather than identity, and rejection can redirect toward new opportunities. Resilience develops through practice and growth rather than being fixed. Praise should emphasize effort and hours invested, since process and progress shape character and future success.

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